A Middle Full of Roses

Se son rose fioriranno..

(written in Sicily July 2017)

My mom has been encouraging to write again these last few weeks. I’ve been avoiding it because I don’t want to face the reality of coming home, but I decided to pick up my pen and write about this crazy, intense, sweet and life changing experience. Thank you mom for pushing me to write again. I’m here because of you and Papa and your undying love for Sicily.

As my year is starting to wind down, I’m reminded of one of my favorite lines from the movie Hope Floats…

“Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will"

We already know that the beginning of this year in Sicily was very scary for me and we know the “ending" holds a sadness that words can’t describe. Hope did indeed float up to my situation and then my middle became this unexpected, amazing, sweet, simple, genuine time I’ll never forget. So let me tell you about the middle. The middle is what counts. The middle is where all the good stuff happened. I still have a month left so the middle isn’t over just yet!

I love my family, friends, home and work back in the US but please know I’m in no way ready to come home yet. I just want this “middle" to last forever!!

I’m also hesitant to come home because I know the main question I’m going to get is... “Did you meet anyone?” I can’t get angry at that question. I know it comes from a place of love and concern. I even share that same concern myself. But I don’t want my entire year to be minimized to that one question...for my year to be judged by that one question.

So here’s a little bit about the middle... if you ask me if I’ve met someone, the answer will be yes! I met an amazing group of friends who became like family to me. I met a new administrator and secretaries who made work a friendly and inviting place to go everyday. I met colleagues who gave me strength, support and laughter when I needed it. I met new students of all ages who brought me joy and reminded me just how much I love teaching. I met the friendly man at the market who sells me my fruits and vegetables. I met Angela and Luciano who work behind the deli counter who make me incredible paninis and always have a smile on their faces. I met Jessica at my neighborhood salon who does my nails. I met the locals in my neighborhood who always greet me with “buongiorno” and never make me feel like an outsider. I met all the wonderful, beautiful people who work at Fratelli Burgio who are like family. I met the owner of a local restaurant and helped translate his menu into English. I met the young owner of a vintage shop who I would visit when I wanted something special for myself…. I could go on and on!

And yes I did meet a guy. I’ve had many days & nights of romance and adventure. I’ve been cooked for. I’ve been taken care of when I’ve been sick. I’ve had deep conversations over a glass (or 2 or 3) of wine. I’ve been surprised with dates to the beach, drinks in a secluded courtyard and dinners in quaint, romantic restaurants. I’ve had breakfast dates with cornettos and espresso. I had Saturday nights during the winter at our favorite local club drinking and dancing together. I've had lazy afternoons of just talking and sharing family secrets. I’ve had late night rides on the back of his vespa through the narrow streets of Ortigia. I’ve had smiles, kisses, laughs and hugs that I never want to end.…and again I could go on and on! So yes I did meet someone…some more special than others. Some who were only here for a season. And some I hope will stay forever.

My mother gave me great advice a few months ago when I was struggling to find peace in a situation. She said “Se Son Rose Fioriranno” which means “If they’re roses, they will bloom.” That simple phrase changed my life that day. It became clear to me that a seed is planted with every experience and person we allow into our lives. If it’s genuine and meant to last, then it will bloom, if it's not, then it will die away.

I think I also love that saying because I recently became obsessed with gardening. It amazes me to see beautiful trees, plants and flowers come back to life and bloom after such a long, harsh New England winter. I planted some flowers and shrubs last year, worried that they weren't going to come back. Then my mom taught me the importance of the roots. It’s all about how strong and deep the roots grow. It’s also about the environment around the roots. Our job is to prepare the soil, plant the seed, water it, take care of it and most importantly take out the weeds when necessary. Well to my surprise every single thing I planted last year came back stronger and more beautiful (my mom facetimes me every week and shows me my flowers) And just like my garden back home, I was overjoyed to see so many of my goals, dreams and relationships bloom this year here in Sicily. As I get ready to leave I am going to plant some new seeds...new goals, dreams and desires for the future.

This “middle” has been more beautiful than anything I ever imagined. I guess I have no reason to be scared to come home now. I leave behind some strong, deep roots. Roots that will not wither away in ten shorts months. And as for the new seeds...I have to wait and see which ones will take root and which ones will die away. And whatever dies away, I promise I will let go of.

So if you ask me about Sicily, don’t be surprised if I start to cry. It’s not that I don’t love my life back in Connecticut, it just means that I’m trying to figure out how to live with my heart split in two. The tears mean I miss the kisses and the wine. That I miss my herbs and flowers that grow outside my bedroom balcony. I miss the knock on the door and the handsome, sweet smile that awaits me when I open it. I miss my friends and meeting for coffee at our favorite cafe. I miss our crazy Punto G nights. I miss sitting on the steps of the Duomo or the Marina and people watching. I miss being 2 minutes from the sea. I miss the sunsets and late nights at Fratelli Burgio. I miss seeing my cousin and having relationship talks. I miss being called a “Siracusana.” I miss standing on my balcony every morning and watching my neighborhood come to life. The tears simply mean I miss my other home...that I miss all my roses in Sicily.

And through all the crazy, intense emotions I felt this year, I learned that I can survive the scariest of beginnings

the saddest of endings

and that I only want middles full of roses.

“Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a a tree planted my the water that sends out roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worry in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17: 7 & 8