Circle of Women

When my aunt, Zia Concettina, back in December 2018, my world felt truly broken for the first time. I have lost loved-ones before, but no one ever so close to me. No one’s passing has ever hit me so hard or cut me so deeply. And even though we didn't talk everyday, I feel her loss every single day.

I’ve been wondering why do I feel her loss so deeply? Why do I think about her everyday? Why get a tattoo of the word “zia” on my arm? Why has her passing hit my heart in such a deep way? Of course I loved her, but why is this loss harder than any other?

The answer came to me so quietly the other day, as I was remembering one of our last conversations and how she brought comfort to my broken heart.

Simply put…she loved me in a very specific and unique way. She loved me in a way no one else in my life could. The bond we had was very different from any other woman in my life. Her love was like no other and now that she’s gone, I have no one in my life that loves me like my Zia did. I’ll never experience that love ever again and that’s what makes my heart feel broken.

This is not take away from my mother or the love I have for her. That love is unique and above all else, she is the most precious woman in my life. I know how truly blessed I am to still have my mother in my life and no one can compare to my mom. But this is about that unique love of my aunt and how she added to my moms love as I was growing up . They say it 'takes a village to raise a child' and my aunt was a huge part of my village. Between my mom and Zia, I got this amazing combination of women that helped shape who I am. There are times I see so much of my aunt in who I am. I see her when I reach for the crushed red pepper and when I don’t reach for the SPF. I see her when I sit on the front steps and raise my face to the sun to get some color on my face. I see her when I try on my bikinis and when my heart aches for Sicily. I see her when I’m cleaning the house and when I can’t leave the kitchen a mess before going to bed. So much of who I am is because of her presence and love in my life.

My aunts passing has made me aware of the other women who came along side my mom to help raise me. To help pray for me and to pour their love, wisdom and guidance into my life. This circle of women had surrounded me with such tender love and guidance and together they make an amazing team. What one lacks, the other has in abundance. They fill in different parts of my heart and also cheer me on in different ways. They are who I go to when I am heartbroken, lost, distraught. They are the first ones I call when I am overjoyed, excited or preparing for something big in my life.

To lose the first member of this precious circle of women, has shaken my core and left me feeling a little lost. I lost one of my loudest cheerleaders. One of my most vivacious and unique loves. Without my Zia, my circle will never again be complete and that is why I still feel shattered.

As broken as I feel, I rest in the years of love I had with my aunt. I rest in the sweet memories and I am forever grateful that she was a part of my mothers circle since the day I was born. Not everyone is fortunate to have such a circle of women in their life. So no matter how difficult it may be, I will rest in the love that’s left behind and not in the pain.

And so on this mothers day, I not only honor my mother, but I honor the women who came alongside her to help raise me and flood my tiny, growing heart with their love. Some have been there since the beginning, while others joined us along the way. They have been there for me at different times in my life and have helped mend some of my deepest heartbreaks. They have protected me with their prayers, rejoiced with me when I was happy and wiped my tears with a gentle touch. They have helped create a foundation of Godly love that will forever stand strong in my life.

Thank you mom

Thank you Pastor Susan

Thank you Auntie Kathy & Auntie Judy

and thank you to my Zia's...especially my Zia Concetinna!

Thank you for every seed planted. Every prayer spoken over me. Every prayer you whispered to God, even when I was not there. Every tear you cried. Every tear you dried. Every hug you gave. Every cup of tea you made. Thank you for choosing to stand together and make me feel safe in this circle of love.

I love you.

"I thank my God every time I remember you."

Philippians 1:3

Written May 2019