Write me Sicily

There’s something to be said about contentment.

About having a deep peace in your heart no matter where you are or what circumstances surround you. To come to a place of rest after a long battle is a feeling like no other. Not a place of perfection, but of quietness and peace. Not settling for less, but settling into a place of joy for the present.

Transitioning back to American life last August was harder than I imagined. I was not prepared for the stressful work days, the routine, the demanding students or the oppressive heat in my second-floor classroom. I was teaching a new grade with new teammates and nothing was familiar. The joy of teaching was gone from my heart and was replaced with a deep longing for my life in Sicily. As the months went on, the ache in my heart for Sicily would not surrender its hold. I tried my best to adjust to my new grade level and the demands of a very complex group of students. I eventually settled back into a routine but never felt quite happy. The longing and aching kept me swinging back and forth between my two worlds, but thankfully it did slow down a bit around Christmas.

In April I found myself in the middle of a complicated and delicate situation with some of my students. The incident, unfortunately, made the news which made things more intense. The need to protect all students involved sparked something inside of me. The fierce love of a teacher found its way back into my heart and my students became my only focus. Although this incident brought many tears to all involved, it also brought back a small glimpse of the joy I used to feel when teaching. I felt connected to my colleagues and to my students. I felt needed and knew I was with this particular group of students for a reason. By the time the school year ended and the news of the story had quieted down, I found myself slipping into a very strange place.

The swinging had stopped.

The ache was gone and I was feeling…content.

I’m not sure how I got here but I’m here. I don’t know when the contentment snuck in but it’s here. Not sure how long it will last but I will treasure every moment.

The contentment that flooded my heart allowed me a chance to enjoy my life in America in a way I hadn't experienced in so many years. As I eased into my summer, all the little details of my life seemed to shine a little brighter. Before heading off to Sicily, I stayed home for most of July to celebrate my birthday and my parents 50th wedding anniversary. It was a sweet and simple month. Exactly what my heart needed after an emotionally draining school year.

I’m now in Sicily as I write this. This will be the 5th summer in a row that I’m here. It’s also my first time back since living here. My first time back since walking away from the life I built here for myself. First time back since the heartbreaking transition. I was afraid that when I got here the swinging would start again and the contentment would be gone. Sicily always stirs up so many emotions for me, so I was preparing for the emotional tidal wave I usually get hit with. But much to my surprise, the contentment is still here! No tidal wave in sight. I’m enjoying Sicily and at peace with just visiting this time. My first few days have been spent reconnecting with family members, quiet nights at home catching up with old friends and walking around my beautiful second home of Ortigia.

This vacation just started and I have another 4 weeks to look forward to. More friends are arriving next week so the best is yet to come. Being with my old friends will definitely stir my heart and make it more difficult to leave, but I won’t worry about the ending when the middle will be so sweet. We have all had difficult years and are coming together to recharge and restore ourselves in our beloved Sicily.

As I go through my days here in Sicily, I’m met with the sweetness of old memories and the peace of a content-filled heart. It’s an odd combination that I was not expecting. When I lived here I was overwhelmed with how fierce Sicily could be. She made me fight. Made me cry. Made me struggle to find my place here. She pushed me to my limits and made me battle for a glimpse of her beauty and her joy. She did not hand over these things willingly. She was greedy and tested my loyalty. She was relentless and demanding.

I walk her streets now and it’s so nice to be on the other side of the fight. I came out of the battle victorious and can thank her for making me stronger. She will always be my home and it’s so nice to have been received again with open arms. I am now part of her family and can be happy with just being in her presence.

The contentment that found its way into my heart this summer continues to walk with me here in Sicily. There’s a quietness to my days right now that I am savoring. I fell in love with writing when I was living here, so I’m using this vacation to see what new words Sicily has to say to me this year. What lessons will she teach me? What hidden beauty will she show me? What seed will she plant in my heart this year? Anything can happen in the next four weeks. More memories are waiting to be made and new experiences are just days away. Sometimes I hold the pen and write my own words and other times I put the pen down and let God surprise me with words He knows I need.

As I think not only about this summer, but for the year to come, I hope God will...

Write me love

Write me adventure

Write me laughter

But more than anything I hope He will always and forever

Write me Sicily.

*****

If you’re reading this and are in the midst of a battle, I pray that peace and restoration will meet you on the other side of the fight. I hope you will experience the sweetness of contentment and a deep sense of peace will wash over you. The fight will always make you stronger and hold a hidden lesson for your heart. With fierceness comes beauty. Pick up the pen and fill your days with words that will make you happy. What do you hope to experience this year? What does your heart need? What words are you hoping to be written this year? Don’t be afraid to ask. Go ahead and fill in the blanks. Let’s expect the best.

Write me________

Write me________

Write me________

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalm 23:6

written August 2018